My desire to take a closer look at our adoption-as-family was ignited as I listened to someone ‘enlighten’ me about issues surrounding adoption with, “I’ve always said it’s in the blood.” Offended by the smug tone, I set about looking into the matter myself as a kind of ‘sample of one’ personal study of nature and nurture to find what it means to call the relationship between adopters and adoptees ‘family’, recognizing the cultural understanding of family and the biological, social and personal need for connection.
I agree with Marion Crook whose book, Thicker than blood, leads the reader right from the start to come to an understanding that the adoptive family must not only “nurture our family but also support the child’s nature.” As an adoptive family, we understand we are a family growing into a family tree that shares space with another family tree because as Marion Crook says: Some parents deny there is any difference between adopted and biological children. This attitude prevents exploration of possible differences and creates problems in the future. I agree there is no difference in our ability to love our adopted children or for them to love us, but there are differences in how they live in the world.
Crook, Marion. Thicker Than Blood: adoptive parenting in the modern world Arsenal Pulp Press, 2016, 27, 82