Institutions of all sorts dress themselves in routines. It is certainly a given for orphanages whether George Mueller’s Ashley Down in 1849 or SOS Children’s Villages today.
Routine at Ashley Down Orphanage 1849 – 1958.[i]
| Time | Activity |
| 6:00 AM | Wake-up, washing, dressing, and chores (making beds and cleaning floors) |
| 7:00 AM | Morning preparatory work – girls at knitting or sewing, boys reading |
| 8:00 AM | Breakfast |
| 8:30 AM | Morning devotion (Bible reading and prayer) |
| 10:00 AM | School commenced, covering subjects like reading, arithmetic, geography, and hymn singing |
| 1:00 PM | Dinner (the main midday meal) |
| Afternoon to 4:00 PM | School resumed until 4:00 PM, followed by an hour and a half of play or outdoor exercise |
| 6:00 PM | Tea |
| Evening | “Useful work.” Girls worked on their needlework and mending; boys were assigned to gardening or learning trades |
| 8:00 PM | Younger children went to bed. |
| 9:00 PM | Older children went to bed |
Routine at a SOS Children’s Village in Tanzania, 2023.[ii]
| Time | Activity |
| 6:45 AM | Wake-up and morning prep |
| 7:30 AM | Breakfast |
| 8: 00 AM | School starts |
| 2:00 PM | School is out – play, naps and homework time |
| 6:00 PM | Snack time |
| 7:30 PM | Dinner time |
| Evening | Relaxation |
| 9:00 PM | Bedtime |
Routines in Russian orphanages
Were the orphanage routines in Russia in the 1990s as airtight as the George Muller Orphanages’ routine or did they resemble the routines of SOS Children’s Villages today? Did Russian orphanages include education and leisure or creative activities as well as food and bed times?
Human Rights articles affirm that Russian orphanages do offer education as well as meeting the physical need of the children. Nonetheless, a study of two St. Petersburg orphanages reported a 2 care-giver to 4 child ratio. Staff at these orphanages worked 40-hour weeks. Routine is implied, even if possibly weighted in favour of staff demands over child needs of individualized care.[iii]
One day doing some ‘gentle art of Swedish death cleansing’, I rifled our ‘important papers’ box. I came across some notes I took in the one meeting we had with staff before Yasik became ours. His schedule may have been:
| Time | Activity |
| 7:30 AM | Wake-up, wash, dress, exercise |
| 8: 00 AM | Breakfast |
| 8:30 AM | Lessons: drawing, clay modelling, constructing houses, playing with cars, learning poems by heart – education for two- to four-year-olds |
| 12:00 AM | Lunch |
| 1:30 – 3:10 PM | Toilet and nap |
| 3:30 PM | Snacks of cookies, buns, yogurt and fruit |
| 4:30 – 6:00 PM | Walks, swimming, being read to |
| 7:00 PM | Dinner, games, cartoons, toilet |
| 8:30 PM | Bedtime |
His routine appears not so different from today’s SOS Children’s Villages, not even so far off from George Muller’s orphanages.
Routines for Families
And not so different from the way responsible parents anywhere in the world manage the lives of their children. There is no ‘Breaking News’ to the place of routine in the lives of families whether biological or adoptive. A routine aids in meeting the demands on the lives of children and the demands on their parents. Routine is a glove slipped on whether a child has never known a conflict-filled home or is coming from a life filled with destabilizing events.
Routines for adoptive families
I doubt there is a manual for adopters out there that does not urge routines. “Routines provide essential predictability, but the quality of relationships within them determines their true impact on a child’s development”, according to Grok.
Most offer advice similar to this:
Children crave structure and routines. It helps give them a sense of control and allows them to develop trust. Having set bedtime rituals for a younger child, or a weekly family movie night for an older child, are great ways to establish a connection. Routines establish a solid foundation to grow from. In turn, your child will bond with you more easily![iv]
The Adoptive Parents’ Handbook quotes a researcher:
Children who have experienced complex trauma frequently have lived in an environment void of structure and routines. They form a perception that the world is an unpredictable and dangerous place, and their capacity for developing competencies though self-exploration and mastery become inhibited by fear. One of the key principles for restoring a sense of safety for a child is implementing predictable daily routines that establish safety, help children organize experience, and develop mastery.[v]
Routines shifting from institutional to family
How does a child whose earliest life experience has been shaped by institutional routine see becoming part of a family routine? How is ‘family routine’ different from institutional routine? Is it all so different?
Free of jet lag, adoptees will get up more or less at the same time, at least on week days. They will dress, eat and head off to whatever the day demands. They will be given opportunities to play and regular times depending on the whether it is a week day or a weekend. They will eat at roughly the same times and head to bed at times encouraged by child authorities the world around. Routines are accepted as part of any well-functioning life.
The difference is that they will do so with less people and a higher adult to child ratio. Many will be in a 2 parent to one child ratio – much more parent than peer orientation. The experience will be new; these new staff members are strangers; there will be adjustments but hey, the new staff have come bearing gifts and goodies and are offering lots of attention.
During one pre-adoption interview, I volunteered that having a bio-baby was not fully excised from my mind. Our case manager’s eyebrows went into steep arch. No, no, no. We could not be thinking of having a child, as if there was even a serious possibility of a baby from my past prime body. Our sole focus must be given to this child. I promised to go on the Pill.
And we, with little conscious thought that routine was a must, slipped into family routine: morning, daytime and evening musts and wants, decided both by us and him. He wanted time to watch Forest Gump. We wanted to tuck in some educational moments, working with Yasik on the alphabet. Well, we had bought this cute little easel to hold big paper. So OK, begin to establish routines as soon as needed, but the whole perfect-parent-molding-the-perfect-child plan might need to be spaced out a bit.
We found a night time routine that worked for us: play, watch a video, bathe, read a bit,[vi]kiss a lot. Born for Love says for someone who has lacked such attention is, “Like an addict with a tolerance, it takes a higher “dose” to get the same effect”.[vii] Yasik initiated the kisses as easily as we did, taking our faces in his hands or blowing a kiss at us and beaming.
We did put together a photo album of the orphanage and the kids there. He looked at it often in the early days. I would end the evening with a little prayer to ‘Dear God’ with him and he was out. We were not inclined to incorporate church-going into our life style but I wanted Yasik to have some awareness of a god. Praying was what I did and passed on to him.
Routines to thwart
be
What happens in an institution when a child doesn’t want to comply with the routine? Having too much fun at play time, dawdling over a meal, not wanting to go to bed? It can be called ‘being silly’; it can be called ‘non-compliance’. It can elicit a happy face or one of those downward dog faces. It can be a good laugh; it can trigger an appointment with the behaviour changing squad shouldering back packs filled with therapy tactics, empathic or draconian.
Yasik certainly did his best to thwart family level efforts of routine barely 24 hours away from his daily experience of orphanage routine. In a whole new world of light switches and tv remotes in the apartment in Russia, eating and sleeping were not high on his agenda. Being given a whole bedroom and all its wonders made sleep seem even more unfair. Other parts of routine were more acceptable, at least if the food was familiar.
For all those little attempts to adjust routine, for the most part Yasik knew he was sticking to a routine. When we later began to ask Yasik what he did at school, he seemed quite accepting, quickly recognizing that there was routine, “Work, work, play, work, play, play, work.” He’d accepted that everybody in his world was sticking to routine.
And our routine was given the ‘stamp’ of approval by our social worker/case manager. The first post-adoption report put our early days with Yasik in social workese,”[Yasik] likes to have structure”. She knew what the adoption advice manuals promoted. We were all comfortable with slipping on the glove, sticking to a routine.
Footnotes
[i] https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=367933023629309 or https://www.mullers.org/history
[ii] https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=367933023629309 or https://www.mullers.org/history
[iii] Tsvetkova, L.A., Grigorenko, Elena, L., Rifka J. Muhanedrahimov, Arintcina, I. A., Solodunova, M.Y., Anikina, V.O., Vasilyeva, M.J., Chernego, D.I. “Structural characteristics of the institutional environment for young children”. Developmental Psychology, Volume #9, 2016. https://psychologyinrussia.com/volumes/?article=5351
[iv] https://www.adoptionchoices.org/bonding-with-your-adopted-child/
[v] Tantrum, Barbara Cummins. The Adoptive Parent’s Handbook: a guide to healing trauma and thriving with your foster or adopted child. North Atlantic Books, 2020, 85-86.
[vi] Szalavitz, Maia, and Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. Born for Love: why empathy is essential and endangered. William Morrow, 2010, 312.
[vii] Szalavitz, Maia, and Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. Born for Love: why empathy is essential and endangered. William Morrow, 2010, 135.
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